The Three Important 'R's' for a Relationship - Repair, Reactivate and Renew

Of the plethora of tips, advice, and articles on the net the majority address the relationships between man and woman. Often the spouse or the beloved. While it is true that the eternal struggle between 'Mars' and 'Venus' pre-occupy us more, it is also naturally true that we have other relationships to think about. When we increase the field of our vision we should realize that the 'others' in our life are no less important. Perhaps, our thinking is slightly indicative of the fact that we tend to take these for granted. For instance, I can't remember the last time I said a ' I love you' to my parents. Of course, their first impression would be that I have gone off my rocker! But that is besides the point. Relationships are somewhat like a pond...where we have to cast pebbles of thought for the ripples of affection to take place.

The sweep of my relationships includes my parents, my friends and my near relations. The pond is quite large and thus it seems I have many pebbles to gather. We as a habit make a list of resolutions. I will lose weight, I will earn more, I will wake up early... usually populate that list. This year, I have decided to put - renewal of relationships right up their. Its not that I suffer from sense of blankness in my relationships...by far its warm and loving, but with each passing day I realize, today's are turning into yesterdays rather fast. Tomorrow, most of the relationships won't be their. Age will catch up...some will pass on...others will move away. So it’s important to dwell on the moment. Fill that moment with laughter, conversations and memories. After all one day, life will be about memories. So it falls on me today to create those memories.

The first thing for us to do is to create an 'inventory' of our relationships. It could be like individual accounts in a bank. Just a mind exercise, but it will tell us the credits and debits we have made into those accounts. And just like real world accounts, credits add more value than any associated debits. For example, I have some friends from my college years. I had spent my major waking hours with them during those 'wonder years'. Some adventures got captured in photographs lying about. Yes, I have kept in touch with them through an occasional email. But we all need to go beyond that. So for me it has become important to just call up and wipe the distances in more ways than one. It's just takes a phone call.

Then, there are some difficult relationships. Discordant, misunderstood and distanced. We all have one or two of those I guess. For them the only prescription would be - Break the damn ice. Just start a talk. It could be about the weather for all's sake. I guess in most cases theirs no need for a verbalized sorry. It's an underestimated but a powerful word. Just the beginning of a conversation could signal a thaw in the frost. Let's hope all of us can be good ice breakers.

Then there are some other relationships where we have invested far more than we should have. And as a result have suffocated the relationship. It's at a standstill. The good thing about such relationships is that it's at least their. All we need to do is to give the other person their own space. Instead of throwing our expectations on them. Every individual need space to grow and move forward. They also need to change. For that, just let those relationships be. Manage your own expectations and let the relationship find its own voice. That's the only thing you can control. Always remember, how hard it is to change ourselves...what hope have we got to change others.

As the year starts, I hope by its end I have a few more wishes to send, for those friendships which I have managed to repair, reactivate and renew.

Walk your way around the Writer's Block

It is more common than I originally thought it would be. The malaise affects us all who pick up the pen or tap the keys to write something. I also thought that writer's block is just figment and nothing more. We write for pleasure and it's as natural as breathing for most of us. We don't suffer from breath block or fun block...so why should their be a 'writer's block'. The only thing I know I suffer from is verbal diarrhea. I know that I can wake up on a Sunday morning and start tapping on my keyboard just for the pleasure of writing. So I guess I thought myself totally immunized to the so-called block. I was a bit off the mark. Just a few days into my content writing freelance career, I was struck down by this malady. I could put something on the screen no doubt, but it was all incomprehensible. It didn't make sense at all to me. I loved writing. How could I not string together my thoughts into a sentence of words! A bit fazed, I started to a bit of research into the reasons and the cure for this which had laid low my pen-chant (pun intended) for writing.

I guess writer's block happens because we,

i) Run out of ideas...
ii) Don't feel inspired or motivated enough...in other words get a case of the writing blues.
iii) Just cannot string together our thoughts and ideas into words.

Their is surely no magic pill. But their are lots of tiny things we all can do. Of course what works for me when caught in a rut might not be what works for you. A cup of tea sometimes for me...in someone else's case it could be a bout of boxing! But the important thing is we all can find out an activity or a combination of activities that take us out of the rut.
For me at least, I found out this prescription,

1. I take long walks just to unclog my brain. Sometimes just observing other people around us makes me think of something new to write about or allows the old ideas to reshape.

2. Every morning for this blog I think aloud, what is one topic which if I write about would advance me somewhere. It could be an article on learning something new, some new inspiration or something just to increase my fun quotient.

3. I try to read a lot. When I can't write for my life, I just pick up a book or go on the net to read something. I always have found that some quality input often acts as a catalyst for some output.

4. I maintain an ideas book. Its like a scrap book, filled with top of the head ideas to write about.

5. I try to just think about the title of a particular piece and carry on from their.

6. Sometimes on a piece of paper, I scribble everything that is going through my mind...its like doodling with words, half of it is pretty non-sensical but it works to clear up the clogged channels of the mind.

7. Just write 5 lines. I take it by the numbers. 5 lines or sentences don't take much out us. As in all things, the first steps are the hardest, then its all Newton’s law of momentum.

8. Sometimes just chilling out is the best solution. As they say, take a break.

These are not complete solutions by themselves but they do help me to break the idling of my brain and give it a jumpstart. Do comment on ways you use to break free from your version of 'writer's block'.

The Power of Lists

Their are shopping lists and then their are lists. Nothing but an ordered itemized account of items to do one at a time and then consigned to the dustbin. I used to believe that lists meant a series of infinite steps leading to a gradual headache. It took me some while to discover the 'power' of lists. And it was a serendipitous offshoot of my own procrastination through which I stumbled upon the benefits of lists. That is to say in simple enough words that I was damn lazy...and finally fed up of my own activity, I decided to accomplish tasks with a vengeance which was hitherto absent in my human make-up. The first list I 'created' included items ranging from cleaning my scooter to clipping my toenails. And it was rather long. I thought that if I could accomplish everything in a single day, it would be great. To my chagrin, I could follow the list only till the fourth item. At the end of the day, I was tired, pooped and thoroughly de-motivated. In short, I was back to square one.

Is their a method to creating a perfect list? Something which makes you accomplish more without making you feel like a rushing locomotive without brakes. I set out to find it. I did devise some means of my own along the way and it has brought me successes too. What I discovered was,

1. Put everything into perspective - Determine what exactly you want to do. What is important and what is less important. We only have 24 hours and 365 days. Putting everything in its proper frame helps us to de-clutter our mind after all their is only some things we can do in a day or a year. So pick the ones which are the most important for you. List them in no particular order. Just a random collection of items on a piece of paper. Next, rank them in order of priority. 1...2...3...so on and so forth. Remember the Pareto 80:20 rule - 80% of the results from any series of actions are caused by 20% of the actions themselves.

2. Visualize - Imagine how completing the tasks would benefit you. Creating a list involves two things, first effectively creating a list itself and secondly 'motivating' oneself to go through the list in a day. Take it like a movie in reverse, from the ending to the beginning. How would you feel?

3. Create buffer time - Life is busy making its own plans while we are making ours. Each day throws hurdles in our path. An unscheduled meeting, a system crash or whatever. Build these 'potholes' into your list too. One way to do this is to create a short un-crowded list. If the 'potholes' don't come about you can always do something extra or reward yourself for finishing the day sooner...either way you win.

4. Make a short list - As I said earlier, start small, keep time for enjoyment. Keep the list simple. The direct benefit of a small manageable list is that you don't have to hurry through the day; you can focus on each task much better. And also keep yourself motivated. Remember, at the end of the day its not the list that is important but the items on that list.

5. Stay committed - Take it for the long haul. Even if you finish 60-70% of the tasks on the list, its a victory. How were you doing before you started on the lists? Better or worse? Are you doing the work in a better way now than before? Decide on these yourself. Fine tune the list according to your own requirements and abilities.

(I make an Excel sheet with the columns as days and the rows for each task. At the end of the day, I fill each cell against the task with yellow to signify -Task completed. Also keeping track of each day and week makes me aware whether I am improving or sliding down. )
Lists are like maps. They provide us with a direction to steer. Our own discipline and commitment are the oars by which we can give direction to our efforts. Lists again are personal tools. What works for me many not necessarily work for you.
(I make an Excel sheet with the columns as days and the rows for each task. At the end of the day, I fill each cell against the task with yellow to signify -Task completed. Also keeping track of each day and week makes me aware whether I am improving or sliding down. )
But all of us have a finite number of seconds a day, and finally a list is about managing those seconds and having a good time doing it .So work on it ...fail and try again and...develop your own method to tackle the 'madness'.

Improve Relationships - Ctrl+Alt+Del your Email for a Day

I have about 42 email id's in my contact list, a few more in my favorite social networking website. A large circle of friends one can say. I have had many conversations with them over the years. Some sober and some filled with laughs. Only, I don't remember when I saw them last. The keyboard has been my mouthpiece, the email and chat my means of dialogue. I have cracked a joke and shared a laugh...and I couldn’t have done it without those emoticons. Of those on the list, a select few are the very close friends. Friends with whom I went miles for a tête-à-tête and a guffaw. Today, its just a handshake across the cyberspace. Of course, I believe our relationship is still going strong but gradually battered by the daily grind it is losing the warmth which is makes a relationship special. All of us confined to our cubicles, staring at a 14 inch plastic cube are losing touch with those who made our yesterday's special. Their might be six degrees of separation between me and another but the degree right now seems rather wide. It is true for me and I have a feeling its true for a lot of others too.

It dawned on me that I answer about 25-30 emails on an average every day. Single line replies, cc's and forwards. I share information at the speed of thought but do I manage to share my feelings with the same alacrity. Is it a paradox that technology is creating more spaces rather than bridging them? I put a lot of thought into this.
I put together the following action steps which I hope benefits you as it did me.

1. We have Friendship Day. Why not have Friendship Days - Any time is a good time to catch up with old friends and acquaintances.

2. Realize that an email or a chat session is non verbal - A phone call is infinitely better. Nothing has replaced the sound of human voice so far.

3. Sms’s are all too impersonal - Use the latest means of communication for your benefit but do not be a slave to it.

4. Keep reminders for all birthdays and anniversaries - They are nice times to reestablish contact and break the ice. The latest mobiles have reminder functions. Their are websites like Birthdayalarm.com or your mail client which can give you advance notice of any due date.

5. Share time - Schedule time for a conversation or a meeting. A face to face meeting with a friend is a wonderful stress buster.

6. Stay away from the send button of your email for a day - Instead, talk on the phone...make your voice heard. Cross the road to meet someone.

7. Be friends with your postman again - Get back into the habit of sending cards rather than those pesky e-cards. I still have all the cards I have received. It's an effort but give the special occasion your caring touch.

8. Share the moments - Always inform your friends of any special moment in your life. Be it marriage, birth of a child or even a second honeymoon.

9. Have your cup of joy - Meet-up over the weekends. Take your family along. Go for a movie or schedule a picnic.

10. Stay logged on - Relationships need work. Good relationships are the result of consistent, time worn habits. Treat good times and bad times with equal measure.

I Said No to Multitasking

        Multitasking, said to be the 'chant' of the new age. With demands on our time increasing with the advance of time itself, multitasking is touted as the ultimate skill. Look at some of the famous names in the world...from boardrooms to ballooning over the alps, they seem to have time for everything. One day you see them at a social do, by the time you switch to another channel they are sitting on a chat show.

       Wow! I say to myself, I wish I could just manage to wash my car...read a novel...catch up on the latest match...and finish my coffee with the same dexterity. Simple tasks for us simple folks. Needless to say, I fail miserably. Even at the office, if you tell me to go through the mail inbox and finish a presentation in the same breath, I will tell you not to hold your breath. I just won't be able to do it. I guess being able to juggle two or more things at once is like being ambidextrous. Some people have it and some don't. I don't, so I have left it at that.

     Its not that I have never tried. I did read up on some fangled book with the ubiquitous 'How to do...' title. Went through a week with all the wisdom in it. By the end of it, I felt back on square one. Tired...stressed...and unaccomplished. 'Jack of all tasks, master of none' would quite aptly have defined my situation. I decided for myself that I am just not built for 'parallel processing'. Let me take one thing at a time. Finish one task and then move on to the next. Multitasking be damned. Back to my old ways but with a new perspective, I started focusing on ONE task, finished it but more importantly felt more involved in it. More vitally, my enjoyment factor also increased. Finally order reigned over chaos...and in this already chaotic world, its no mean feat. Perhaps, it did take me more time to go through all the tasks but the means did justify the end!

    From my experiences I have found that, pound for pound multitasking is less efficient more chaotic and certainly more stressful. Their is a better way.

My prescription reads something like this:

1. Have a 'Priority List'. Don't put anything and everything into it. Do it according to decreasing order of value. Finish the most important ones first. I don't put more than 4 items on the list.

2. Keep some buffer time for unplanned work...believe me they will come out from nowhere.

3. Divide your day into 'blocks of time'. Put the respective tasks into the blocks according to your preferences. I for example put the lightest work like answering mails in the afternoon, when I am feeling drowsy.

4. Work on the most important task first thing in the morning. With that out of the way, you will find that the rest of the day goes smoother.

5. Take breaks after every hour if possible. Keep up your energy levels.

6. Take up 'monthly projects'. For e.g. Learning Photoshop is my current monthly project. I won't look at another piece of software during this time.

7. Keep phone conversations to a minimum. It's the invisible sponge which soaks away some of our most valuable time.

8. Be neat, tidy and organized. Believe me keeping a tidy desk makes a tidy mind.

9. Learn to say 'No'. Time is our most precious commodity. Protect it with a 'No'.

10. Enjoy work and play, involve yourself with complete focus.

At the end of the day, I hope your basket of work will be empty and you will have more energy to carry it around.